Bus Rage

Do you wish to travel by public transport? Are you loud, bullish, annoying, unreasonable and prepared to share your personality defects with anyone? Then why not become a bus driver, Today! The bus companies of Plymouth need You!

On Thursday I thought I was going to die, while being driven at top speed on a screeching bus through the streets of this fair city. I was the only passenger. This was the problem. The driver had been foiled in his attempt to get back to the depot and clock off with as few saps on board as possible. I was unceremoniously dumped at Derry`s roundabout, at the traffic lights, which I`m fairly sure is illegal as well as bloody unnerving. He didnt complete the route, by stopping at a bus stop in Royal Parade; he had far bigger and better things to be doing, like lancing the cat`s boil etc.

After quitting this driver`s warm, engaging company, I stomped up the street with arms in the air, gesticulating wildly to myself, thereby frightening other pedestrians unnecessarily. What I was actually asking was somewhat rhetorical; i.e. "what is wrong with everyone?" meaning, what was wrong with that particular driver, and the one I almost became acquainted with that very morning.

The morning episode involved waiting for half an hour for two of the same buses to arrive at once, then being told I would have to have a credit note for change of a tenner - (from a £3.30 fare? Is that an inconceivably large amount of change then?) or get off again. I got off the bus, and stomped down the road, seething quietly. You can see how the second episode of bus misery was one episode too many for me to contain.

All these irritations and rudenesses would have been as nothing to one so entirely reasonable as I, if it hadnt been for the fact that in the same week, I waited for over half an hour for a bus that didnt turn up, the knock-on effects of which meant I lost income to the tune of £40. Add to that the late morning debacle, which cost me £35 in lost earnings, and maybe you`re beginning to get an idea of the mayhem, nay, incipient poverty involved in going anywhere without my very own transport. Green? My arse.

I dont really want much. A bus that comes within 10 minutes either way of it`s appointed time. A seat, though I`ll stand if needs be. A cheery smile, or failing that just plain old courtesy. (It`s called Customer Service nowadays, apparently.) Why is this so FXXXXXX DIFFICULT???